No good ever comes from should

If you’re a Service Leaver, Veteran or Reservist who is adapting to life after the military, my weekly emails will help you.

Think about it.

When was the last time you said, “I really should [insert activity]”, and it actually happened?

Then, after spending waaaay too much time and brain energy “shoulding” on yourself, one day you say,

“I want to…

… eat nice food…

… go for a walk…

… send that email…

… sign up for that course”

BOOM! It’s done!

Then, you remember how much you like it and the feeling of accomplishment, once it’s done, is AMAZING!!!

But, instead of giving yourself a well-deserved pat on the back, you commence an extensive deep dive of self-criticism and unpack all the disappointment in yourself for not acting sooner.

And once again, you are back to shoulding on yourself 💩

Intensive psychological excavation aside, what if we thought of this as just a habit?

And with practice, you can notice when the shoulding begins and stop it in its tracks.

Take the “should” and make it a “want”, then see where that leads you.

Recently, I have been deploying the 5-second rule from Mel Robbins. It is excruciating being human sometimes. But when you make work for you and take bold, small steps, the results will be quite remarkable.

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2 comments

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  1. Alison

    I love this Abbie, my eyes were opened to the impact of ‘shoulding on myself’ 20 years ago. The learning stuck. As did the term ‘should off!’ I am still working out what it is that I ‘want’ and that has proved to be more challenging, and is certainly a muscle to be exercised until it becomes as second nature as the ‘shoulding’ once was. The difference in energy between them is huge.

    The 5 Second Rule is great, thanks for sharing the video. I had my own insight into this a few years back when I realised I had lots of ideas but almost as soon as I had them my mind kicked in with all the objections, problems and challenges it could muster and then, the inspiration was gone and the idea flattened, never to be seen again, and it’s something I continued to struggle with. Now having the 5 Second Rule to apply, I am excited to see what gets done!

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