Out with old, to make way for the new… Me

If you’re a Service Leaver, Veteran or Reservist who is adapting to life after the military, my weekly emails will help you.

I have been encouraged to blog about my experience with a past job, how the misalignment was felt emotionally, mentally and physically and how I decided this was all going against my values in a deeply intrinsic way, and not merely a lack of buy-in to their strategy.

Fix Vs Leave.

Fix – as in a could have worked to fix it and did think about it. Initiating a radical reform of this organisation that appeared to be flying by the seat of its pants and winging it – very different to being agile on purpose that I could have adjusted to.

Leave – which I did and because I just didn’t love (yes love) the organisation enough.  It was the employment version of the rebound guy.  The relationship you embark on because you think you are ready to move on – but really you’re not.  You’re still figuring out who you are and what you want from the next relationship.  Especially now, with a new sense of self-awareness and desire and courage to do what’s right for you and not what’s right for everyone else – or what you think you should be doing or perceived expectations from others around you.

Brene Brown taught me that when boundaries are crossed it shows up as – loving you means I have to love myself less.

Knowing when to quit and that it is for the right reasons. Especially, when your sleep is off, you haven’t read a book in months, you’re not getting into a good routine, you stop eating properly, the thought to go for a walk begins to slip to “tomorrow”, and when tomorrow never comes you gradually stop thinking about it altogether.

And you know for sure you made the right decision to quit when the random wrist pain that began the week you started, miraculously begins to subside from the moment you hit send on the giving your notice.

Strengths are the way you are now.  Values are what you are striving for, a future version.

So then, how might values be less about what people say and do, and more about the WHY they do those things, in service of a future version of themselves?

And values don’t exist in a vacuum – they are intertwined with others around us and situations, society and culture. And communication in a constructive way to align and deconflict opposing values or values ordered with a different priority.

Deconflicting the needs of the organisation, group, family unit – and the wants of the individual.

During my career, having been single and had no children, I have always argued and supported, “… the needs of the Service come first and the wants of the individual need only be carefully considered.

However, since leaving the Service in 2019, I have seen how this approach has brought families to the brink of destruction. 

Now, I believe there must be a better way to manage and integrate for all of us and the values we seek to uphold.

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