Evoenix:Edits

Deploying the command hand a little too vigorously

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When I was a kid I used to get told off for being too bossy. That makes sense, I was the only child/grandchild and I didn’t have other kids to bounce off. So the adults would scold me for my instructions, and adults don’t like being what to do by a kid.

Then, 25 years later I joined the Royal Navy and my ability to “boss” received a righteous reboot. 

Although, this wasn’t without challenge. I would constantly worry, hearing my family’s words in my head about not being so bossy. 

As a result, I wasn’t very “military” overall.

I would have a strong grasp of the steps that needed to be taken to complete a complex multi-faceted task – but would leave this vital information and perspective in the depths of my brain, and unbeknownst to those around me. 

“Shhh 🤫 don’t be bossy”, I would tell myself. And I would keep my head down and let others do the dictating.

Then the whole concept of leadership came on my radar. 

And I realised management is more about being bossy – ie knowing what and who needs to be where, when and how we’re gonna do it. 

Leadership … whole different kettle of fish. 

Here, it became more about gaining a greater understanding of someone following, then go from there together. 

The WHY being the forgotten element from the management model.

In my new roles, I’m conscious of deploying the command hand.

People around me are not mine to boss. And they have their own agenda and preferred ways of working. 

Leadership endures.

And when I’m stuck, I might ask myself… 

How might take an approach to better enable this person to follow?

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Courage and Bravery Off the Battlefield

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Courage and bravery can appear in many forms and situations, and when looking at the military, it’s easy to assume this is mainly on the battlefield.

However, often the modest corners of our community harbour the strongest individuals.

People willing to stick their heads above the parapet and say – “This must change.  And here’s how we’re going to do it.”

The vital key to change is – HERE IS HOW WE ARE GOING TO DO IT.

That makes all the difference. 

Because all too often the discussion becomes the stumbling block.  It is essential at the start to establish the context and create energy and enthusiasm.  But before long, we run out of steam before we actually get around to implementing our ideas.

And problematic when we get stuck in that discussion loop and don’t break away to act – especially when it might not work.

And then someone comes along, and they break through and get stuff done. 

Showing the courage and bravery to embrace their ignorance and give an idea a try.  To find the bugs and apply the fixes.

No matter how modest they are, are we celebrating them enough?

And following their lead?  

Fear might hold us back and we all do it. So it might be good to just notice how and when it shows up.  And let’s not allow it to impede our progress entirely.

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Pygmy Goats, Mermaid Princesses and other grand career ideas. 

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Navigating change is not impossible in isolation, but it is super tough. 

By teaming up as co-conspirators and collaborators you broaden your capabilities and your knowledge base. 

And Knowledge is everything. Because we don’t know what we don’t know.

Others will, and by finding those people it opens up the possibilities. 

I started out owning my own coaching business, through networking to promote that business I was then offered other freelance gigs in comms and marketing. And I discovered I enjoyed this much more and my coaching skills were incredibly valuable and transferable. 

Now, I’ve just taken a new contract with a PR consultancy firm for businesses that want to secure contracts with the Ministry of Defence. 

Networking got me in the room with the awesome people that appreciate my skills. 

My knowledge got me the gig. 

And this is your greatest asset too. 

Think of networking as “knowledge by experience”, and when you’re dithering about whether to sign up for events or send a reach out to someone…

Ask yourself, how might this experience add value to my knowledge capital? 

And furthermore, how might it grow in value and be transferred to someone else in the future? 

Because we all deserve to live our best life, to wake up each day, jump out of bed and get to work on passion projects. 

Even if it’s running a rescue centre for pygmy goats or becoming a Mermaid Princess. 

Do not what you think you should do. 

Do what you want to do. And you will be able to tackle the obstacles when they present themselves. 

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We’ve not been here before…

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This is the first time this generation of veterans has experienced this time.

Yes, lessons from the past help, but we are in all-new territory.

The World is changing at a rate never experienced by humankind.

Automation is on the increase, which might appear ominous to some.

But tech careers are on the increase too. Where diversity of thought is vital to ensure the design, coding, build and maintenance are sufficient and effective so that the end product is fit for purpose – FOR ALL who need it.

And individual needs are changing. We want more from the world of work, to contribute and make a difference.

The way we’ve always done it, is not going to cut it right now.

Innovation and creative thinking are needed.

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” – Heraclitus

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Do you deserve it?

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A dear buddy of mine from a debate-club-style mastermind group shared an article this week that came along just at the right time. It discussed how our spending on things like food and clothes is linked to our self-esteem. When high, there is a greater tendency to purchase more luxury items because we feel worthy. And it works in the opposite way too. Even on a tight budget, you may find yourself sacrificing some essentials to have the desired luxuries.

In recent months I have been working with a couple of clients who really appreciate my work and many others have seen my work from the outside and appreciate it too. My self-esteem and confidence have been growing – I feel I am making a worthy contribution that’s making a difference. The first time since leaving the military.

Winner – all good.

Then, over the past two years, it’s been all Zoom, Zoom, Zoom – calls and pace of life! And in reality, that means – trackies, slippers and hoodies.

SPOILER ALERT! For more important calls I chuck on a nice top for the call. As soon as it’s over, I reach for the comfort and safety of my trusty hoodie. And I have two Zoom tops that reside in my office on standby and rotate them from call to call.

But… this year there are in-person things looming, meeting new people, and (gulp) presentations!!!! I can feel the beads of sweat forming on my brow even as I type it out loud.

And what does all that mean?

Well, now is the time for the dreaded shopping drama to get new clothes. Not only have I not had to buy new clothes for almost 3 years since leaving the RN and even when I have bought clothes it was always for socials or casualwear, never for “work”. And I have piled on the covid-pounds and that wasn’t one of my wisest investments.

So, now that a more front of house role is on the way, it was time to revive the wardrobe and better align it with my efforts behind the scenes. And in doing this, I tend to agree with my friend’s article. I did feel less guilty about spending money on clothes and looking nice because my self-esteem is at an all-time high. And I opted to try for a high-quality brand that it will fit better and last longer.

And because I am in the mindset of finding excuses to keep the items, as opposed to finding the smallest fault, I have been more open to tolerating my fatness, prominent belly and a lump or two here and there.

For 15 years I had the safety and reputation of a uniform. Others understood the reputation that came with a rank slide. And we all went through weeks of basic training to earn the right to wear that uniform.

What’s the civvy street equivalent?

It is only now that I am understanding what that looks like for me in life after the military. And it has been a struggle. To find a style that works for me and conveys my capabilities and potential. Without being too ego-nurturing or trying to be something I am not.

Hard to do when you are still figuring out who you are.

And much easier when you decide you are worthy.

Prosecuting, Preaching and Politicking

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We can all judge from time to time, some of us more than others.

We all have passions and want to tell others about our ideas and beliefs, often with the aim of getting them to think the same way.

We all want to defend those ideas and beliefs, using persuasive tactics in service of that aim.

There is a fourth way…

Be more scientist.

Embrace ignorance, and seek to fill the gaps.

Explore, question, lead with curiosity.

Make assertions, test, re-assert, re-test.

Repeat.

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A spot of Virtual Networking for a chilly March evening

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💥 💥 💥 NEWSFLASH!!!! 💥 💥 💥

📣 EXTRA! 📣 EXTRA! 📣 EXTRA!

Check! ✋ Check! ✋ Check! ✋

Stop Press! 📰

Hold the phone ☎️

Drop the mic 🎤

The other hat I don at a rather jaunty angle is hosting a monthly networking meeting for service leavers, veterans and reservists.

Leavers’ Link Virtual Networking for Service Leavers and Veterans is super excited to be hosting a very special guest speaker as they have come all the way from Australia… 🦘🇦🇺

It would be nice to say that journey was purely for our networking meeting, but he is overseeing the expansion of his business in the UK.

Tom Moore- CEO of WithYouWithMe, is joining us on the 8th March to share how and why he started WYWM, the challenges in operating a company of this size – globally, and his plans to disrupt the clunky recruitment process into Tech Careers.

Register here:

Register on Eventbrite

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I’m the coach, that didn’t coach.

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From a personal point of view, I rarely received, or provided, much coaching during my 15-year military career. I’m sure the people at the time were doing their best to help me. And I tried my best with the tools and resources available to me. 

But, overall, it lacked the life-changing transformational results usually associated with coaching.

Only recently have the benefits of coaching become more commonplace. And it remains a widely misunderstood concept. 

However, if I was being coached, it was not made clear. I didn’t give my consent to be a part of that dialogue, it was pressed upon me, it lacked formal contracting and follow up, and was inconsistent. 

For me, this resulted in the feeling that I was being instructed, criticised and judged.

And that I was a burden. 

And that’s why I didn’t listen and made my own judgements about the “advice” given. 

I didn’t stop to correct them either. Or ask how it might help me and hold them to account for their advice. 

It was only after I left the military that I fully began to understand the coaching conversation, from both sides, and the ground rules vital for those conversations to have any effect. 

No one wants other peoples Advice Monster going rampant in a conversation and acting like they’re chowing down at the all-you-can-eat-advice-buffet. 

And there’s a requirement to be enrolled and invested in your own progress too. 

Advice givers, before you impart your knowledge on others, how might opening with a curious question help you tailor your responses? And keep asking for more, because we Hoomuns rarely give over the juicy details right off the bat. Your advice is not bad, just poorly timed and probably aimed at the wrong problem.

Progress-makers, how might you take the lead and steer the conversation towards exploring ideas? 

Only you know the narrative playing out in your head. And folks on the outside need a recap and to understand your unique lived experience. 

As a suggestion: how might you be more specific about what’s really bothering you and what you believe are your obstacles? 

Communication is an art form.

We’ve spent millennia doing it, and there’s still more to be done. 

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Eyes right. Eyes left. Eyes …local ???

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In our current culture and obsession with social media and reaching people in the furthest corners of the globe, we overlook our local community. 

I’d reached out to the village magazine for another matter and the editor spied that I’d written a book. She was only too willing to include me in the Community News section. 

These folks spend time looking for interesting articles to fill their pages and delight their readership. 

What if you went to them first? 

And what if a solution to your obstacle was sitting right under your nose? 

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