Evoenix:Edits

It’s all semantics

LEADER : /ˈliːdə/noun

  • The person who leads or commands a group, organisation, or country.

LEADERSHIP : /ˈliːdəʃɪp/verb

NB: Is also a noun that is less resistant to being used as a verb

  • The action of leading a group of people or an organisation.

Leadership is a doing word, it’s actionable and a practice that should be a daily habit until you do it almost without thinking.

We can all do it – independently and regardless of our status in the hierarchy.

A leader is a name – anyone can call themselves a leader.

It’s up to the rest of us to decide if we follow.

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Do you want to play a game?

Who am I?

I think life is so hard and unfair, it’s not even anything I do or don’t do. Nothing seems to go right and everyone else makes it more difficult. I can’t change anything and I am so stuck. I’ll just do nothing then!  There are plenty of others who will just take over.  They think I don’t have anything worthwhile to contribute anyway…

I am a VICTIM

Who am I?

I want to fly like an eagle but I am surrounded by turkeys. They always mess things up even when I told them how to do it. I know the best way to do things and they just don’t listen and look what happens! They will pay for that and regret it. Now I have to do everything around here, all because people just can’t follow directions.The word “Stressed” doesn’t even cover it!

I am a PERSECUTOR

Who am I?

Don’t worry I am here, I will fix it for you.  It was probably my fault anyway, I should have explained myself better. This often happens, but I always own up to it and make it all better.  See, I like to help everyone and show them the best way to do it, I don’t like to see people struggle.  I am very dependable like that, if only people would appreciate me more for all my extra hard work. 

I am a RESCUER

What am I?

I give people space – to make mistakes, to learn and to change their habits and behaviour.  I ask lots of questions so people can get to the bottom of their problem, find their own solutions and become self-sufficient.  I will ask “How can I help?” and negotiate those terms – Not dive in and take over.  

I start a conversation, not finish up with my version of the best advice.  

I practice patience.  This is really challenging sometimes as I do want to help and get things done quickly.  But I know that wouldn’t help anyone to be successful or earn the respect I need to do my work.  

I am practicing LEADERSHIP – by remaining outside of the Drama Triangle.

It’s not always about who you are, it’s what you do that has the greatest impact.

What are you?

And what do you wish could do better?

GREAT! Now you have decided, what are you going to do about it?

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When a blast from the past makes you an offer…

You don’t have to say yes, just because it feels safe and familiar.

I think we are rational rememberers.

After the fact, we rationalise our decisions.
Once we have made them and witnessed the outcome. Justifying our actions.

What if, you got a call from your old boss and they wanted you back?

Does that change anything for you?

The rather short answer could be – “No, but thank you for thinking of me and asking.”

Classical economics would suggest, if you were thinking rationally you would say – this is a steady income with opportunities.

It’s known and familiar. Just put up with the cons.

Emotionally though, going back could fill you with dread. There is everything else that comes with it, being stifled and restricted. The reasons why you moved on. The pros aren’t enough. This is not what you want – regardless of how the sums add up on paper.

Whilst we really know for sure what is going to happen over the next 6, 12, 24, 48… months.

Fear of the UNKNOWN, can be less than what you do know.

If the Behavioural Economics has anything to do with it – you can’t abandon a current unknown path because you don’t have enough information yet. It’s still under testing.

Bring the past into the now, by remembering all the pros and cons… all the good… and the bad…

What was the most useful thing you noticed?

Bring the future onto the now, by imagining your world as you wish it to be…

What will you do next?

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When there IS a time for R and R – Bring on the private learning (Part #2)

Learning is hard!

You can provide the reins, the map and even the water…

But, don’t always expect plenty of drinking to be going on.

Learning is a very private experience that only the student has ultimate control over.

Displaying a vast array of information for them to memorise for a test is not learning.

That is simply remembering. And often this process is flawed.

Giving a person information to apply to their own work, then studying the how that process panned out and the impact of the outcome – that is learning.

Learning what works and what doesn’t for them.

Learning how to tweak and change the next outcome.

Multiple versions getting better and better each time.

That’s – Recall & Reflect.

And if you want to learn more, try reading – The Coaching Habit by Michael Stanier.

And remember, when you apply the information and closely study the effects – YOU WILL LEARN.

For more of his resources check out boxofcrayons.com

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Always be wrong… Until you get it right

Check for those co-working spaces.

Apply for that course.

Bid for that funding.

Go to that meet-up.

Get that first draft written.

Ask for help.

Instead of agonising over whether an endeavour could be a failure or a success…

Challenge yourself to do something purely for the experience of noticing how you respond and react to it.

If you liked what to experienced… do it again.

If it paid off… definitely do it again!

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No time for R and R – Bring on the private shame (Part #1)

“Resistance is the enemy within” – Steven Pressfield

First comes the feeling of not wanting to do something.

You could just get on with it and do it anyway.

But you don’t!

You will Rationalise:

I’ve pressed the snooze button too many times now and I wanted to be at the gym for 0600 and now it will be 0605 by the time I get there and I wont have time to do all the sets and it will be busier now and I won’t be able to get on the kit I want to and then I will be late for work… and then…

“So no, I am not going to go to the gym today – it makes perfect sense.”

That is you giving into Resistance and then Rationalising it.

This applies to many daily activities and ventures in life.

Too many stories to tell ourselves about every rational reason NOT to do something.

Take away the rationalisation, what are you left with…?

“I was too much of a bone head to just my arse out of bed and get to the gym to do what needed to be done. That was a silly decision and I only have myself to blame.”

Similarly, you could have just gone to the gym for 0605 and done as much as you could in the time you left yourself.

That would have been better than nothing.

That way next time, you will do better…

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Finding Your Authentic You

Time to cast aside the LBD

Big breath in… and out…

She then opened the doors of the wardrobe and began thumbing through the hangers on the rail.

Nope…

Not that one…

Definitely not THAT one… It’s not a Saturday night on the town!

Nope…

That one is too small now (I must go to the gym this week)

Oh I do like that one, I used to love wearing that one.  Looks a bit dated now though.

Ball Gown… Ha ha! Yeah I think they would remember me for all the wrong reasons with that one.

She exhaled a big sigh as she reached for the usual little black number.  

I suppose it’s this one… AGAIN!  At least I know it fits, just.  And the little yellow cardigan – for a bit of colour.  

She smiled as she remembered how good she feels wearing colours.

I do like colour.  But I don’t know what else to wear.  I want to look professional and smart.  And I also want to look approachable, kind and understanding.

But all I have it the typical “power little black dress”.

I could do the trouser suit, but it just doesn’t hang right on me.  I don’t feel feminine enough.  And I don’t want to be too “girlie girl” either, I want people to take me seriously. 

I have a message to convey and the clothes just aren’t complementing that.  

Gosh!  This was so much easier when all I had to do was put on the same uniform every day.  No decisions necessary for 15 years.  

The military was behind her now and it was time to find her individuality.

As she exhaled another big sigh as she closed the doors she thought about the message a friend had sent her.

“Hi its Kay.  If you don’t have to wear a uniform and are looking for some good speaking colours etc., feel free to reach out. 🙂 I am glad to be of service!”

Yes, that’s what I need right now, I need some help with this, I can’t do this on my own.  

She replied to the message and a day later she was logging onto Zoom to video chat with Kay.

——————————

In preparation, she got the LBD out ready and paired it with the yellow cardigan.  Then she thought she might need some other options…

So, she got out the navy striped maxi-dress – she liked that one.  Plus it was comfortable and flattering.  Oh and she could wear the much loved yellow cardigan with that too.

Also, the blue trousers and matching top – she liked to wear that paring too but usually when meeting friends and wasn’t sure this was the right event for that look. 

She then explained to Kay about the speaking event.  Mostly women at a café at 10am with various talks for about 2 hours total.  The weather was supposed to be bright and cool and she was speaking about coaching and how to incorporate little coaching moments into your day. 

While Kay liked the LBD, it didn’t really match her complexion or hair colour.  Kay explained that with her eye colouring and complexion, big blocks of dark colour just made her look a little washed out.

She was surprised Kay could even make out her eye colour or even took the time to notice.

The other blue outfits were good choices too and Kay advised her to wear things that were physically comfortable.

She didn’t want to be worrying about that little flabby muffin top protruding under her clothes.  Or being distracted by constantly yanking at the waistband of the top to cover up her bulky tummy when she was trying to remember her words.  

They settled on a mid-length black dress with soft lines.  Yes, that’s correct, a black dress.  The difference here was the colourful detailing on the dress broke up the block of black colour and created the overall look and feel she wished to convey. 

It was form one of her go-to-brands.  She initially dismissed it because she thought it wasn’t formal enough, but after speaking to Kay it became apparent this was exactly what she needed to do.

Given the time of day, the audience and the topic – Smart, Casual and Approachable was the aim here.

Then to shoes – Yes these MUST be comfortable and those were already sorted.  She had a flattering and sexy yet comfortable pair of shoes that had already proven a success and were the hero of many of her speaking event stories. 

Have you thought about any jewellery?, Kay asked.

Oh god no, I hadn’t.  She hadn’t needed or been allowed to wear jewellery in her previous career, so they talked about some options and decided to keep things simple and classy.  Nothing too distracting for the delegates watching her.  The last thing you want is to hypnotise the audience with a great swinging pendant or dazzling them with giant glitzy earrings.

Save that look for the next after show party…

And there it was.  The outfit for the speaking event.  All sorted and ready to go…

——————————

Until the next day.

Not intending to look for a new dress, she entered a small traditional high street department store and was surprised to find her favourite go-to-brand.  

There on the rail a dress caught her eye.  Black base colour with a simple leaf pattern throughout the material.  It was gorgeous and she remembered everything Kay said the night before about choosing colour and fit.

What’s the risk?  I’ll just try it on.

It looked lovely and two assistants complimented her too.

It fitted like a glove – not too tight and not too frumpy.  It gave her a figure without hugging too tightly.  The length was just right and the shape of the sleeves gave it a fun feel.  And it would go with all the other things she had picked out with Kay.

And the material wouldn’t crumple too much during the hour long drive to get to the venue either, she didn’t want to turn up like she’d just rolled out of the laundry hamper.

There was little more to debate…  Dress purchased!

And she felt amazing, it had been a long time since she last felt the thrill of buying new clothes. It was always such an arduous task that usually left her feeling inadequate and downtrodden. 

Not this time.  She knew the signs and had the basics in mind. And it paid off.

The speaking gig was a success and not once did she think about how she looked.  She could focus on her message and that message was definitely received.  

People took notes and pictures of her slides and even afterwards some came over to talk to her and thank her for such a great presentation and how they have been inspired to take action.

The organiser wants her to do another one… and guess what?… 

That dress is coming along for the ride.

——————————

Thank you so much for helping me Kathleen – yourauthenticimage.com

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Everyday Coaching Moments

•Take someone for a coffee

•While you are at lunch – video chat with someone

•Before you go to lunch – check in with someone via email

•What gets scheduled, gets done! – set some reminders in your calendar

Once upon a time…

We didn’t have time to recycle.

Now look at us!

If you are struggling to find the time to help people, make it easier to find the time.

And the rest takes care of itself.

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Knock, knock. Do you have 5 mins?

That depends…

If it is to tell me a solution to a problem I didn’t know I had – you can have 1 min of appreciation.

If it is to talk about how you want to make a change that will improve either you, a process or both – you can have all the time you need.

Freelancing from home is great and I love the control I have over my time and efforts, and yet, I do miss the people.

One thing I miss about “the office” is those daily impromptu interactions with others.

Those little and often times when someone just wants to talk it out and get over a speed bump. Also know as fear of failure or of putting oneself out there for all to see.

My usual follow up to – “Do you have a min?” is:

Do we need to shut the door? This will help gauge the gravity of the conversation.

Then I will ask, “What’s on your mind?”

Often the response is, “I just wanted to tell you about… It is all good and I sorted it.”

These means they want some appreciation and they can have that in spades. It does not need to take very long and may occur more frequently around appraisal time.

Less often, it’s, “Well, I just want to do… but…“.

That’s when a deeper more focused coaching conversation is on the cards.

Always ask yourself:

What’s the question behind the question?

And respond to them with:

Anything else? And pause… and pause… and pause some more!

It may take them a while to gather the words and when they do, you have an opportunity to have an impact and help them.

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Little Miss Resistance

Little Miss Resistance is definitely controlling the narrative and she needs to stop!

It’s not helping you… and it is not helping her either.

Talk about a paradox!

Every day you will muster the energy to resist the resistance. And it becomes more and more difficult as you work towards your realising your dreams.

And, you’ve got this!

You did scary things before and they worked out and if this doesn’t work out, you have your tactics and alternatives.

When in doubt – return to The Master Plan, change a tactic and always be testing!

This is where your creativity comes into play and is super useful at re-focusing.

It will remind you of the bulls*** excuses you tell yourself that prevent you from doing good work… or even any work at all.

And knowing the warning signs on the dashboard when you are fatigued or simply frustrated with yourself.

This is about knowing and recognising The Dip and acting on it.

This makes you feel good and will spur you on.

For more on Resistance, turn to The War of Art – great book, that I am currently resisting reading… because I know it’s good for me and bad for Little Miss R.

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