Evoenix:Edits

People don’t really like surprises.

The idea of a surprise birthday party is in my top ten worst nightmares. Mainly because I am such a control freak and most of my friends wouldn’t dream of doing it because they know me too well.

Plus, it’s all the planning and organising that is the real fun part for me, so to take that away would really sting.

So when it comes to my work ethic and approaches to work, I am much the same – I don’t like surprises here either.

And I would explain this to my new joiners when we sit down for the induction conversation.

“I don’t like surprises because it can take time to get the help you might need in place.”

It’s better to be stood ready for the curveball with wide-open arms and a supersized catchers mitt.

So why deny your team, friends, family and colleagues the same environment?

By giving folks a heads up about what’s coming their way, allows people the time to prepare in all sorts of ways. Mentally, physically and emotionally.

That said, I have managed to survive a good old fashioned “sink or swim” moment, and I think it does me good every now and then to stretch and see my capabilities in action.

But to have to do that all the time is exhausting.

And wouldn’t it be better to have someone offer you swimming lessons first, just in case?

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Blog? Article? Or budding thesis?

I’ve been reading… oh dear!

Yes, there is a dark side to reading. Because it beckons me to question and leaves me in a rather dubious cuffuffle until I connect the dots. 

After 10 months of languishing, The Wizard is back and after reading his delightfully colourful and provocative Museletter, he spoke of elegant rants, enterprising quests, golden handshakes and creative meh.

Or, Creative Malaise – A fatigue ridden dip that entices one to question “what is it all for”?

Well, after many months of living in this creative void and submerging himself in experiences and collaboration, he’s finally birthed himself out the other side and is now officially in Creative Recovery.

H/T to you Sir.

In tandem, I’m also reading Stelter’s – The Art of Dialogue in Coaching. Which explains how the invention of the Industrial Revolution and postmodern living is killing us and our ability to know oneself and where we want to explore. We’re bound by time and performance goals that serve to navigate our lives in some sort of direction but ultimately leave us isolated and lost. 

So, here’s the dot connection.

What if, after the pandemic, we’re finding ourselves in Development Malaise?

Where we have literally had it up to our eyeballs and gotten fed up with the constant striving for perfection and the “unicornitopian” next step that will catapult our career into a stratosphere unlike nothing seen before by mere mortals.

After all, we’ve had 19 months to rest and “work on ourselves” and get sorted.

Now, there’s this pressure to perform. 

We have that elusive time break and pause, that we’d all wished for in the past.

To have the time to stop, think and figure shit out.

And what did we do with it?

Well, as always, mileage varies. And therefore, produced a huge sliding scale of successful outcomes. And I’d assert for the majority, with everything else going on, we were glad to just stop!

Let alone do the emotional labour of bettering and developing. 

We are connected 24/7.  Even at night, we have a device monitoring our every move. 

Resistance really is futile because the invasion has already occurred. The Borg are here. They walk among us. And you have been assimilated. 

Ok, Star Trek references aside, there is one discernible difference.

We can choose and change our minds. 

Something that’s been ridiculed in recent months. Many governments have had different approaches to the pandemic.  Some good and some not so much, and some good but too little too late. This is a hugely complex political conversation when lives and livelihoods are involved and one I don’t wish to enter in too deeply at this stage because I’m ill-prepared to either support or oppose a particular view.  Let’s save that debate for another time.

The thing I’ve been most concerned about is the increasing criticism towards “the u-turn”.

The alternative being – to remain steadfast in a clearly detrimental course.

Sounds daft to me.

Ideally, yes, it might have been better to not let the situation arise and make better decisions in the first place. 

Well, welcome to, “… life as we know it, Jim.”

People make mistakes, are enlightened by new information and choose to change their minds. 

My reason for pointing out this shunning of the u-turn is, we’re advocating a culture that criticises such a move. When that’s exactly what big projects, businesses and modern-day life require. Time, trends and culture are moving at warp-speed, and the inability to adapt can leave you lost and alone.

Simon Sinek describes this as – Existential flexibility. And as per the Mighty Google, “…the ability of an infinite minded leader to initiate a disruption to a strategy or business model in order to advance a just cause. … Needlessly to say this would involve risk and beyond the realm of a finite minded leader who would be more comfortable with the status quo.”

More about his interpretation of the concept here:

And this goes waaaaaay beyond the “shiny object syndrome / good ideas club” – because that’s no good for our psychological safety either.

So, where does that leave us now? Can micro-strategic shifts also have some application in our day-to-day activities?

In a nod to The Wizard, might we now be entering a period of Development Recovery?

Being back together with peers and mentors, with work to actually be getting along with, we now have the opportunity to test and adjust all the theories we’ve been noodling over. To actually make a start on all that bettering and developing, because now it carries with it more purpose and meaning.

What might it look like if you just change this one thing?

And if you are thinking I might start with fewer Start Trek references, I make no apologies. It’s a habit, and one I like. So no u-turns on that one. In other news, I have been battling my own languishing demons. Until this weekend when we signed a treaty and I was able to complete this blog which had been an open tab for several weeks.

Felt good, to change.

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Vulnerability

Vulnerability is…

Not about weakness or frailty, and it means different things to different people. 

A common thread of vulnerability is – transition. 

Children are vulnerable because they are growing up and don’t know how the world works.

Patients are vulnerable while they are convalescing and not at full strength in mind and body.

Adults are vulnerable when they return to learning as they are questioning what they perceive to be true to them and it’s a challenge to find the time and prioritise.

It’s because the reality or existence we’ve come to know and understand is in a state of flux. 

Transitioning into a new state, of greater understanding and knowledge.

And to get there, you need to question, be curious and see failures as gifts.

And sometimes, move away from a strongly held belief, and towards an uncharted future. 

Children have parents. 

Patients have nurses. 

Learners have tutors. 

Service Leavers… have Veterans. 

Look after each other.

Because we’ve all been vulnerable at one time or another. And there’s safety in numbers. 

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Radical Truth and Radical Transparency – Ray Dalio

Might have its pros and cons.

It encourages speaking out and broad thinking – winner!

But can be a bitter pill to swallow for some – at first.

This sort of organisational culture takes a huge amount of psychological safety and won’t happen overnight. It takes guts to implement over time and you might lose some folks along the way.

OK, Radical Transparency is about being open to taking responsibility for mistakes – AT ALL LEVELS!

But when it comes to Radical Truths. It’s essential to establish – what is truth? Because everyone has their truth. Their lived experience and beliefs they hold true, based on their experiences.

In some ways, everyone is entirely right, and wholly wrong, at the same time. Depending on your perspective. And how might you know for sure you are right, or wrong. Because ultimately, you need to stress test your theories and find out.

Dalio also advocates for “Idea Meritocracy” – where everyone is a stakeholder and gets to see all the information to make an informed decision, which therefore leads to more effective decision-making as a group.

The risk here is that an abundance of information and such varied “truths” – might lead to information overload. Paralysis by analysis.

In the book The Choice Factory, it explains that in most cases, what people say and what they actually do are two very different things.

And that might be the Human Tragedy – to have beliefs that are wrong and you’ll never know or understand why that was the case because you feared putting them out into the World and test them.

To our detriment, we are too fearful of intentional troublemaking. Because we often lack the follow-up and support to work through our failures and learn from them.

Is it not easier to simply carry on regardless, walking around assuming we’re right, and never actually knowing whether that is, in fact, true?

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Networking – It’s not all sharp suits and business cards

Veterans can be brilliant at networking because we’ve spent our careers moving around every couple of years and everyone around us is also moving around every couple of years. 

We quickly build connections and get cracking. 

Then on a leaving run after a few beers, it’s…

“Dave. I love you mate. Really do. Let’s keep in touch.”

The following Monday…

“Dave? Who the frick is Dave?”

That’s because… we’ve spent our careers moving around every couple of years and everyone around us is also moving around every couple of years!

And the cycle starts again, of making connections – Rapido! And leaves little room for the sentimentals.

That said, there are some parts of the Armed Forces where connections do run deep and persist. And to some extent, that again makes things difficult because we can be reluctant to let people into that inner circle so entrenched in trust and comradeship. 

So, what to do?

Firstly, be aware that you can find, create and build new relationships really quickly outside of the military sphere. You have a story to tell and people will avidly listen. 

And think of each new experience, networking meeting, course or insight day as your first day in a new unit. 

Take an interest in what other people have going on.

And set your intentions:

• I am going to this meeting because __________ • This person will help me by __________ • I might be able to help with __________ • If this one is not for me, I’ll try another.

Because you can leave a meeting early – there’s no networking police!

And, “The fortune is in the follow-up.“. Check-in and reach out to the interesting folks you discover along the way and nurture those connections.

Network for knowledge.

And the best part is, you can start right now! It’s never too early to start networking.

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Mistakes and Regrets, I expect we all have more than a few…

Some might even be in progress.

And I suppose it will depend on your definition of a mistake and a regret. I was once quoted as saying, “I don’t think I’ve ever really failed, just got a little better each time“.

And when something does go amiss, all too often we blame or attribute it to the very last thing that happened. The straw that broke the camels back. And it’s easy to forget the several steps that led up to that undesired or unexpected outcome.

If it’s the outcomes we are focused on, of course. And whether we are measuring the outcomes as a success or failure. Or might it be better to look at the decisions made in service of that outcome?

Because if we don’t analyse the whole event, where’s the learning and the opportunity to adjust our decision-making process if it was flawed?

It would be pointless to think after having a bad day – yeah, I really shouldn’t have even gotten out of bed this morning.

How was your sleep that night? What were you doing the day before? What have you been doing all week? Who has been supporting you recently? And who has been grinding your gears? Did you keep saying “yes” to things and forgetting to say “no”?

And is it even a mistake, if it wasn’t truly your fault?

So, what if there was a litmus test for mistakes? And feel free to devise your own criteria.

Condition 1: Were you acting recklessly?

Condition 2: Was it illegal or unethical?

Condition 3: Was it your ultimate choice or decision?

Because then, everything else is you taking responsibility for learning to do your best.

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Stopping Short

“Succesful people are successful because they know their weaknesses”

“Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply”

A friend said:
What struck me is that we often focus on listening. But stop. And often that is hard enough.  But am I seeking to understand? And even that is not enough… Am I seeking to understand sufficiently to actually capture and be able to accurately repeat (and even defend) the merits of the other person’s idea? And give voice. And meaning. And discovery.

I had a similar epiphany to the quote about successful people knowing their weaknesses.
My question was, so what?
Great you know your weaknesses, but what do successful people do about them?
Is it enough just to KNOW your weaknesses?

Is it enough to just understand?

What more can we do to help others, and ourselves, be successful in life?

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New season. New Goals.

It’s time to change things up.

And as the season changes, so do our priorities and intentions.

It’s that start of a new academic year following the summer break that seems ingrained in us to begin new things or reinvigorate a lagging project.

The kids are back to school, and so are you in some ways. And it’s not too late, but time won’t wait either.

So, how might we be more intentional about our intentions?

Well, it’s pencil and paper time.

Write down everything you want to get done.

And NEWSFLASH!!!! It’s unrealistic to think all of it is achievable.

Time to prioritise and pick the top 5 most important things.

Everything else becomes: THINGS TO AVOID!!!

And I mean avoid!!!
These are the things you say “no” to and if you want it on the important list, you will need to swap it out. Or wait until one has been completed and there is space for a new activity. 

The most important question to ask yourself when prioritising each of these goals is:

How is this important for me?

I want to achieve __________ , so that __________ . And then I can __________ .

You might even find some of the things on that avoid list never become a priority or become irrelevant.

Begin to collect the dots, then work to connect them.

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Some things are hard for some people

They are not you and you are not them.

They don’t know what you know.

You don’t see what they see.

We all have a unique filter calibrated to just us, and us alone.

It interprets and guides our thoughts, values, opinions and behaviours.

And it’s not necessary, or even possible, to re-calibrate to be completely in sync with others.

All we need to know is – it’s there.

And do the hard emotional labour of seeking to understand, see and hear others.

Not to change each other. Simply to collaborate and be open to possibilities.

And simple is rarely easy. That’s what makes it worthwhile.

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Consider the Bigger Picture

The recent Brian Cox Planets series has been a fascinating watch and really does help to put things into perspective. Living on this tiny speck of dust we call home.


Even more so, other solar systems follow a consistent pattern – they are doing things their way.


Then there’s ours – and we are doing things our way.

Because our solar system was subjected to several unique events giving rise to some unique characteristics, yet to be seen in other systems.

It’s not wrong, just different. So even in the geological world, it thrives on diversity and is affected by lived experience.

But it begs a pondering and I don’t know which is scarier…


There’s a high probability, given the vast number of solar systems, that we are not alone.

Or…


The likelihood that because we are so unique, in fact, we might well be.

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